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September 24th

Rating douche bags, state by state.

Whereas New Jersey douchebags are determined by number of collars, color of tan, and spikiness of hair, in West Virginia it is determined by the type of pickup truck.

Do you drive a Ford…

F-150? 0 douche points
F-250? 2 douche points
F-350? 8 douche points

What is on your truck’s bed?

Equipment? 0 douche points
People? 2 Douche points for first person +1 for each addition person on board

What is the height of you pickup?

One douche point for every foot above the height of the base vehicle.

What tires do you have?

Stock tires. 0 douche points.
Monster truck tires. 2 douche points per tire.

What do you do with it?

Go to work carrying all my tools. Just add up your pts.
Go down the highway 100 mph, black smoke belching, while my friends are throwing beer cans at other cars from the bed. Take your points, multiply them, and stick them up your ass.

Go home