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September 29th

I am on my way to go 0-4 with another 13 weeks to go. How do I achieve such futility? Do what I did and follow these steps

Don’t show up on draft day Being a football n00b, this was probably a good thing. Still, I would never “forget” to show up to a fantasy baseball draft. Having the computer pick for you is a death spell unless you are truly retarded.

Every you touch will hurt their knee Not just starters, but the replacements you pick up will also get hurt. Not only did the computer draft 2nd tier player, it drafted 2nd tier players that got hurt.

Play against teams with their best week What? Brett Farve threw for 6 tds? He’s in what team? The team you are playing? No! When players only play one game a week, you know it’s all luck. That’s what I convinced myself.

Don’t give a shit The Giants are 3-0. Everyone else in the NFC East lost at least a game. Why the hell do I care I am 0-4? It’s their year again!

If you follow these tips, you too will be the butt of your old college buddies’ jokes.

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